Touche is my dog... and tonight maybe his last...

Dear readers,

It is never easy to blog about love ones... and one that is his final night in my room. He is 12 years old, to be precise in human years 84 years old. A Shih Zhu breed, born in Australia and was bought from a pet shop in SS 19 Subang Jaya. He was small and nameless for almost 7 days until I gave him a name. Touche was his name... and he respond to it. It is rare for me to even have a clinging of things that respond to me. A name given that he chooses as an acceptance... but a dog that goes through in life following us since my parents rented a house in USJ 9 and finally now at Bandar Utama. He follow us for 12 years. In those years he hates my hugs but he likes when I carry him around like a baby.

He never made a sound, a gentle creature that walks and do as he likes. He loves to rub his head against his own bed like a cat, play himself as he moves around and wiggles his body all over the floor. He had a bed basket that he hops on to and had soft toys almost in unimaginable amount as my mum spoils him a lot. He was bottle fed, never a bowl as it will dirty his fur around his mouth. He likes to be chased by me or by any of my family members. And he loves to protest if he does not want to be wash. Each time we take him to a vet he shakes and frightens and each time after that, he goes home happily.

He had his own supper. Mum always bought sausage bums for him to eat. There was a time he joins us for dinner at the table too. He sat there waiting and licking his mouth while my mum would feed him with pieces of meat. I too sometimes do that too. He knows when it is dinner time as I carry him downstairs and he knows when there is none. He greets everyone by wagging his tail...

As time catches on, he grew older. He did not do any more of the habits he used to do. He sleeps almost all day and almost all night. He was comfort in my mum's room with air-condition. I notice he walks aimlessly. Sometimes when I call him, he cannot hear. He was slightly blind and deaf. I hug him most of the time and carry him like he was my own son. It is hard to let him go because the love he gave me was the love I will always know.

Tutu... passed on this morning. He struggled to live as he wants to. I was in pain when I saw him tries to stand up, struggle to walk and then he collapse. He vomited the food he ate yesterday. He tried to do what he can but...

I woke up this morning and notice his body was still. I look at his eyes and they are closed. He was wearing his own warmers as it was cold lately...

At first, I do not know what my reaction would be. But eventually... I cried. My mum too when she saw me cry. Tutu was with us for 12 years, the longest ever together with my family... and he move on. Sigh... I hope his next life as I believe in reincarnation, he live better...

I love you Tutu... and I miss you...


Yours truly...









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What is your Christmas present this year?

Dear readers,

It is 31 days until Christmas and 38 days until it is the end of 2009. Decorations are up or about to, Christmas music are played, items of sale are up and many people are happily shopping for gifts. While there is no snow in Malaysia (won’t it be great if there is), celebration in Malaysia is either “meh” or “hmmm”. I want to make this Christmas special to Ree Nee. The only thing is whether can I achieve it or not and I believe I will be able to. Nevertheless, Christmas gifts must be special… and I want it special for her. My first Christmas gift to her.

At the moment, I do have an idea what to get for her but the task would be difficult. Firstly, I have to raise the money first and then once that is done; I will take her to get her gift. Although it will be early, I do have other plans as well too. Moreover, this other “plan” she will never know what it is (sometimes I feel giggly knowing Ree Nee can never guess my surprises even when she tries hard). Ah… but how can this be done even? This is a difficult task and I hope I am able to… let alone I myself want a gift too.

I too have surprises as well… this will have to wait and see what sort of surprises for others too.

Stay tune…

Yours truly…







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Are we towards the end of times?

Will the Earth erupts in the future just like the movie in "2012"?

Dear readers,

This morning I woke up with a very cold weather feeling. So cold, it is as if I am in another cold climate country. Maybe because I wore only a singlet and the feel of the cold sips into my skin. I use the pillows to cover myself from the cold but to no avail, I still feel the cold. I wonder how cold it was today and what is the degree of coldness that I am experiencing. Last night was very cold to an extend the evening rain (which occurred almost every day) cause traffic woes and wetness to each well-being. Much further, that it brought some memory of information about the climate change in our global climate.

It was few days before me and Ree Nee watched “The Day After Tomorrow”, about how global change causes the Earth to stir towards the Ice Age that is showing the end of times. Well, it did not seriously end “end” in a sense “Goodbye world, it is nice knowing you” sort. It is more about two thirds of the world population affected. There were survivors and humankind continues but the devastation is at a large scale. That is “The Day After Tomorrow” as seen.

Yesterday’s “2012” was an eye-opener. It still touches the end of the world theme but with drastic shift in the Earth’s core. Now does this have anything to do with global change? I believe so. Those it explain how it happen? In layman terms yes. While in the year 2012 before December 21^st, the Earth will be facing impending doom. The devastation was enormous scale instead of large. It makes “The Day After Tomorrow” puny. We get to see land ruptures and there is no ways anyone can survive (except the protagonist in the film) to a certain extend that a little science fiction involvement included, which is unbelievable. Nevertheless, people still survive.

For both movies, everything happens so fast. Seriously a visual to awe for but then coming back to me being “cold”, I believe we can make it through 2012… much like anyone make it in “Y2K” as predicted by certain people we will face technological failure which slowly clocks in nicely with the year 2000 (and it has been 9 years already and life goes on). The only thing that we will and do face is our future is seriously threatened.

The changes are minor and small. Most people do not notice these signs because we all have our own daily problems - money and daily survival for food and shelter. People are still people doing what they can to make it work at the end of the day, week, month or year. Moreover, people still do what they do without knowing the fact it does hurt the Earth. Nevertheless, with needs, it is hard to stop doing the “needs” when we all kept doing it and it does hurt… in some ways or the other.

Still… I cannot help but notice these small things. Something is happening to our planet and it maybe too late to save it even. I may sound a little hysterical but one of the things we should notice the changes are these three:-

1). Animals/Insects kept coming up dead in an unnatural order

2). Disastrous natural events kept raging up each year

3). Unbalance anomaly of seasons not coherent with its proper climate

With all these signs more prominent than before, I wonder what the future, do hold for us in the coming years.

While it is entertaining to watch both Roland Emmerich movies, one movie that spells the end of the world and truly faithful to the event was “The Knowing”. Although some science fiction element is involved, the event happened with 99% fatality death rate. Though the ending is biblical, (you have to watch the movie to understand what I mean), if the world ends to day…

… it will be a small single unsound “pop” in the universe. To us, it will be a deafening roar and chaos.

No matter what facts we learn from in any medium form, we have to notice these things and urge “someone” to do what is right to save our planet – whether it is too late or not.

Yours truly






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We should not go for the “want” but the “need” instead… (My Self-Discovery Jounrey Part Two)

Dear readers,

An article from The Sun from a young writer at page 12 had something interesting to say. As I read, I notice two things – realistic points with realistic practice. Sadly, how many are really doing it and what are the reasons that many do the “wants” instead of a “need”?

I would like to admit I was once a person full of “wants”. I want many things – I want my games, I want my DVDs/Blu-Rays, I want good food, I want to watch every single movie ever came out from the theatre, I want to travel, I want to buy any comics/mangas I want or desire, I want to buy CD and songs I enjoy, I want a place of my own and I want to lead a comfortable life. I had many of those collections of movies/TV Series/Anime/Cartoons, CDs and comics/mangas and even games too. It was a collection that many do envy and I am proud of owning them. It says what you are and what you can do.

It is the many “wants” I dreamt of and I almost achieved that. Four years ago, I hit a point that I suffered – I had a side business that work but one person changes everything. It cost my side business, my own income and even my standard of living. I manage to work hard to earn my monthly salary of my main job but to almost that, I cannot afford my “wants”. It was the time I helped that one person because of love of the troubles that person faced, it cost me until… I realize that four years I have known this person; everything I live and know was a lie.

It took me two years to rebuild what I have left and each week I have to worry whether I have enough. My side business was gone, all I can depend on was working hard on the current job I am holding (to this day) and work off to cut almost all my “wants”.

It was two years ago at the month of July, I hit a fragile point – my fatigue without my “wants” got the better of me. I became depress, despondent and even at the time when I was at a withdrawal stage of depression, it added more to my well-being. I was thinner than thin. I do not eat well and neglect everything. Although I do go out once a while with my friends, spending money was an issue. I oblige to their call but then I realize I have to take care of myself too and not spending excessively. I always have to check my wallet to see whether I have enough in those two years and what I can save for myself. I cannot talk to them about my problems because they are my problems. What can they do, as it is a personal affair? All I can do is just obliged and to see to what extend I can or cannot make it.

During those two years, a quote from the movie “Fight Club” said:-

“Things that you own end up owning you…”

Wow… that was profound. In a way, I do agree. Things that I own seems to take life that runs my life a little dry. At first, it was a heartache to see my things go but they do control what I feel when I see them go. I sold a lot over the spanning of two years and what I have left is what I am able to control – what I require is what to sustain my own life. So the quote becomes my life philosophy.

This year I was getting better but at the same time was getting slightly a pitch of downhill. But what matters is whether I can survive the ordeal. I still collect movies (now in Blu-Ray but one at a time) and I still go for movies and play games. It is just not that much as they are bigger things to focus on – the “need” of my own “future” and also for me and Ree Nee.

As time goes by, I realize what I have sold of my own collection that I am proud of no longer pains me. I can get them back or rather not get them back. Many things are important and now what is important is the need to have a future. Without a future, there will be none.


Yours truly








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Now where have I been, you wonder…

Dear readers,

Yes, it has been two weeks since my last post (or over) and a lot has happen. The major reason of my blog post – crisis within my family!

… okay, maybe I over exaggerate a bit. Nevertheless, there is drama, action and even unsolved mysteries.

… okay, I believe I gone overboard the above. The truth is…

YES!!! CHECK MARK THE BOX OF ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Sigh…

Sad and true (and serious now) something happened two weeks ago in my immediate family. It is hard to talk about it here as it is rather personal. In like of things, past and present involve with a little of the unknown. It is like “The X-Files” meets “The Simpsons” with a little added “Brothers and Sisters” into the drama. I was mystified; I was also a performer of a stage play that when it happened, it was something that I have to wait and see whether it is truly, really real. It is hard to put words here for you dear readers to read but I can say it is like a real dramatization of something that is real and unreal happening at the same time.

Okay, I know you are confused and not sure what I am saying. Sadly, I cannot say much here because it is private. At the moment right now, it is a calm after a storm. Imagine Hurricane Grace that leaves a rather devastated city behind. It still lingers around me and yet all I can and my family do is wait and see what happens.

Now, to summarize the missing two weeks:-

• I am going to Langkawi this coming June with Ree Nee and her parents (all thanks to Air Asia’s freaking cheapo promotion… but then, it is not cheapo at all the next day on the first day of promotion).
• Ree Nee and I have been spending a lot of time every day. Lately we two have helped each other in the kitchen – meals for the day and they all taste good. We talk about other stuff to cook too. Gyoza perhaps?
• My dog, Touché (also known as Tutu) has been visiting the Vet lately. I am worried about his condition as age is catching up on him (he is 12 years old Shih Zhu). He is under medication and more medication and the only worried I have is one day… he might leave us. Of all the dogs my parents have taken care of, I love him the most.
• Lately I have been feeding movies to Ree Nee. I was shocked that most of the movies she never watches at all (not even STAR WARS!). But then Ree Nee is not into movies and I can understand that. Still, she lightens up when she watch a good romance movie (recently… “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and she like it) but I manage to sneak in some good old Hong Kong movies (and I intend to get more of those) and at least she enjoy some.
• Out with McDonalds and in with Wendy’s. Yes, our craving for fast food is only one brand name – Wendy’s. McDonald’s prices on McValue Sets are so high, it is not worth going there anymore. The food portion is small and the fries are oily. Wendy’s on the other hand is tasty, big in portions and the Nuggets are the best we have tasted. We do not always go there but once a while when we crave, we will go for it at least twice in a month.

Well, I hope I am back to my normal posting schedule for my blog. At least for now peace is all around. I do not know for how long but what I look forward is the end of 2009 and welcoming 2010. Reason? Likely it is time to get the better of me and make a better future…

Yours truly…







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Breakfast or lunch?

Nice, whole meal

Dear readers,

Ah, the wholesome meal of the day. Whether it is the start of work of the break of lunch, one person’s meal is always important. In addition, today, Ree Nee made one for me since yesterday. The red container that contains everything there is she made for me – a meal that completes an empty stomach.

So today I open the red container and found myself in a dilemma – two ham buttered mayo sandwiches, a pasta filled slices of ham, eggs with sausages and mini tomatoes (which I it is Ree Nee’s liking). The container is small, but the food is many. It was meant to be for breakfast and as I look into that container and open the lid three times just to decide whether it is for breakfast or lunch…

… I ended up as lunch instead.

Ree Nee has cook many delicious dishes (courtesy of my mum’s food galore giving) and with each meal, we both always complete everything (except one time, the cooking became a lot and we manage to eat as much as we can). Either me or Ree Nee cook, the food is always delicious. I wonder what’s for tonight…

Ree Nee's Butter Prawn

Ree Nee's Pasta Meatballs... yum

Yours truly






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Now… I wait…

Dear readers,

Two more months and it is the end of 2009. What will follow is the crucial turning point in my life – taking a different direction path. What comes is a series of plans and organize formation to mould my path what I had originally set my goal before. Although three years is rather a short time to plan (as I had wasted two years doing nothing much), I am only afraid my progress is slower than slow. Furthermore, there are many things I need to focus upon:-

1. Learning languages
2. Picking up more skills
3. Be stern to myself
   

I probably need a whacking paddle to do some self-realization either on the head or on my rear behind.

Needless to say, I believe the final two months is where I do and plan ahead of what I need to set my sights upon. It has not being easy and I realize why I had slack off – I am in my comfort zone for too long (and some friends contribute to that factor). While people I know always said “think now, forget about tomorrow” (in my own words of their own sentence to “think about today, later only think about tomorrow lar”), the impromptu actions and so much spending I have nothing to save – I feel I just rather stop having fun first and have fun later.

My future is important. Friendship can wait and if nobody understands this, well they are not true friends at all. I have neglected my friends lately, and recently an outing with one of my friends said I am “falling out”. I rather fall out than seeing my future gone. One person had almost destroyed me and left behind bad memories and scars. The problem was it cannot be erasing but it can be amended. No, it is nothing criminal of that sort and so do not worry. Nevertheless, what “she” had done got away without facing the responsibilities and I have to face the music myself.

For those two years, I learn a costly lesson of what I used to love is almost diminish but a well-worth costly lesson that teaches me there are more important things than always keeping myself temporary and I would rather want to be contented than just being happy.

Yours truly








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What has gone before...

Dear readers,

Since I had come back from Penang, a few things occurred. I will list down those things in the simplest way:-

1). As promise, the gift for Ree Nee will be shown here. I was surprise that the services I hired from Noel provide what I would feel is as same as it was advertise – instead of a couple Teddy Bears, Ree Nee got a couple Puppies. She likes it still… but then what we paid for as advertise is not what I expected. Guess that varies depends on the services when it comes to outsourcing (and I am sure if it is ship within the same state, would have gotten the Teddy Bears and that pretty box).

The actual advertise first gift...

... ended up this cute.

2). Food!!! Well, more food actually. My mum has been buying lots of food. I know Penang (as what Ree Nee said) is said to be foodie land. However, so is here… my mum brought foodie land in her own style. Well, last weekend we had BBQ Steamboat at Sunway in a place called Tasty Pot. Surprisingly many patrons ate there and maybe because of certain variety of food but the crowd that actually ate there is understandable. For only RM 26.90 (not included drinks) per person, it is much of feast all you can eat until there is no tomorrow. What can I say – that night seriously is a feast…, which leads to…

3). Gaining weight. I believe I had gain weight a little. Well, maybe more than little does. Eating a lot is not that good but then eats a little leaves ½ empty in the stomach. I am beginning to feel a little rounder at one side. With much to munch, I doubt anyone can go hungry. One thing I realize though – I stop eating junk food. I think the slow down process seriously makes me stop eating some of my favourites. Therefore, with “goodbye supper”, I think I should adapt some diet to lose and maintain a better weight.

4). Hair treatment – I had spent many moolahs for hair-treatment. A total of RM 378 to be exact. Reason is – my hair is starting to be thinning. It was pretty much starting to be noticeable. Since last week, I have been treating my hair with a proper shampoo. I am worried about my hair thinning… but I think Ree Nee worried more than I did. Alternatively, maybe she doesn’t want a bald boyfriend?!? O_O

5). The plan I wanted which started 2 years ago will begin starting next year. I wonder will I ever achieve this plan at all. Although the original plan was solely on my own, I never thought now the plan will be together with Ree Nee as one. There is a slight change of course, this time things, which were suppose to be, are now different. While I can not talk about it, this is between me and Ree Nee. Sorry dear readers – in time you will know within the next 3 years. 6). Savings - well, two years ago I suffered the worst of it all. It was not easy trying to survive month by month. I gone through fatigues, withdrawals and even gone through my own hell. I survive it all and realize earlier this year was the start of a new beginning. Good thing was meeting Ree Nee I realize how important it is money was... and I believe without money, nothing would be much better than saving more money ahead to build a better future.

There are many other reasons... and there's too many to list down. In future, I will post about it and keep update about it too. How was your weekend?


Yours truly







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Penang feels like a second home to me…

Dear readers,

There is much about me when I was young I moved from house to house a lot when I was born until 2001. In my younger years, I was born in Ipoh Perak and spent at least 5 years from there before my parents decided to move to Kuala Lumpur. There we spent 3 years in KL and 5 more years in Selangor in a place called Taman Mayang. Soon enough my dad’s office shifted to Subang and we stayed one year in a place called Wangsa Baiduri before spending another 11 years in USJ. It was then my parent’s shifting days are over and bought a house in Bandar Utama Damansara.

In those days of shifting, I was pretty excited about seeing the new house, with a new room and always wanted to decorate my bed, shelves and other room accessories. In those days, I beginning to have an interest in going into showrooms and check out the design of rooms in any location there is. Nobody knew about this (of course, now you dear readers know) but I kept it to myself. I feel like a nomad who loves to move from place to place.

My room practically became my home. I had some of what I want to be placed there. The nearby locations of shopping malls, food and necessity are a convenience to me. Got my mangas, my games, my movie collection and my bed with four pillows. Life is comfortable…

Yesterday I return from Penang together with Ree Nee. I realize my week spent in Penang has become my second home. The week was good even though I did not get a chance to go anywhere much in Penang (Batu Ferringhi, Botanical Garden, Penang Hill, etc). All I did was meeting Ree Nee’s aunts and uncles (glad to know them as I get to know more about Ree Nee’s family background), celebrate two birthdays (Ree Nee and her dad), had two BBQ outings (Ree Nee’s sister Ree Na whom she and her friends organize and Ree Nee’s first aunt), ate a whole lot of food (I practically feel I gain weight now) and tasted new ones (Tosai or Dosai!!! Gosh… now I want to look for Sri Ananda Bahwan in Bangsar!!!).

Although most of the time whenever I travel out, despite with parents or alone… I never miss KL. I do not know… somehow, home is where I feel is missing. And the missing person that I can not call home is… Ree Nee. Without her, I think there is no home. With her… I feel home is where the heart is.

Yours truly








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My Self-Discovery Journey (Part One)

Dear readers,

At the turn of my 18, I ask myself what my purpose in life is and said to myself that I vow to find out the answer of what I must learn as I grow older in years to come to become a better person. It was 1995 when my life changed that started out for the worst ended up a good thing. I never thought when looking back that if that day (one day before my birthday) did not happen, I might have been a different person then. I was face with a decision that never thought in two paths lead to two different lives. One I am not sure what would become of me while the other as it is today. For now as I live, I began to learn about life in the intricacies of things. I learn about the values of friendship, the values of the importance of responsibility and the values of the importance of balance. I am glad that this path has taught me many things. Even though a little late, nothing is.

I had lead quite a life with 5 different group of friends – my schoolmates from primary to secondary, my college mates, my international friends whom I know via online, my friends that were gathered together 6 years ago that I have known them and the friends I know from Low Yat Network (or better known as LYN) forum, a handful of them that are anonymous in their own but still keep in touch. I have another group of friends from the gaming side but rarely do we talk often most of the time. Through them all, I learn about what is the meaning of friendship – one I learn about that is for each of the group I realize the meaning of “true” friends. I realize I have many friends that stay in touch for a while but soon later drifted elsewhere without truly keeping in touch at all. Some I know still do but hardly lift a finger to even make a phone call. Others are just there without a purpose and responsibility and all they talk about is fun. Through each of these groups, I learn something. For each of them, I realize the learning process becomes part of something I never expect what would be a lesson to me. However, not all the groups gave a true meaning of life. Each varies for their own and each taught me many things that I soon learn and adapt to be part of my life. As I grow older, I realize that some friends do not change and they do not adapt the change. They stay in what they are and even as they became older, they do the same thing all over again and not out of the comfort zone that they are familiar with.

Each of them have different sorts of responsibility. Some truly make the effort, while others gave up. Some make it a life goal, while others just follow the crowd. Some gave up ½ way, others just try to push it. Most of them just rather live a day in life, very rare a few I know make the journey to fulfil their dreams.

Yet for each of them, the balance of their goals tilted so uneven that soon falters that 4 out of 5 of my group of friends would rather just live a day in life and their sole purpose is to have fine dining and have a good get together. None talks about the seriousness of about the future. All I hear are complains and all I hear are nonsensical sentences that makes them happier then truly of wanting to feel contented.

The good thing is I learn something from each group – my journey in life has become something I never expect – they each taught me something without realizing how important they are. As they go about their lives, I look at what I have come before and I learn to adapt these discoveries on my own that has made me who I am today.

Here is one I shall share with you, dear readers:-

“Choices we make become our fate. Choices we face became our destiny”

Maybe these teachings can teach us about making a better choice for your future. Who knows, it might help you too. From time to time, I will share what I have learn and I hope you dear readers it will help you too.

Yours truly








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