Ah, the wholesome meal of the day. Whether it is the start of work of the break of lunch, one person’s meal is always important. In addition, today, Ree Nee made one for me since yesterday. The red container that contains everything there is she made for me – a meal that completes an empty stomach.
So today I open the red container and found myself in a dilemma – two ham buttered mayo sandwiches, a pasta filled slices of ham, eggs with sausages and mini tomatoes (which I it is Ree Nee’s liking). The container is small, but the food is many. It was meant to be for breakfast and as I look into that container and open the lid three times just to decide whether it is for breakfast or lunch…
… I ended up as lunch instead.
Ree Nee has cook many delicious dishes (courtesy of my mum’s food galore giving) and with each meal, we both always complete everything (except one time, the cooking became a lot and we manage to eat as much as we can). Either me or Ree Nee cook, the food is always delicious. I wonder what’s for tonight…
Two more months and it is the end of 2009. What will follow is the crucial turning point in my life – taking a different direction path. What comes is a series of plans and organize formation to mould my path what I had originally set my goal before. Although three years is rather a short time to plan (as I had wasted two years doing nothing much), I am only afraid my progress is slower than slow. Furthermore, there are many things I need to focus upon:-
Learning languages
Picking up more skills
Be stern to myself
I probably need a whacking paddle to do some self-realization either on the head or on my rear behind.
Needless to say, I believe the final two months is where I do and plan ahead of what I need to set my sights upon. It has not being easy and I realize why I had slack off – I am in my comfort zone for too long (and some friends contribute to that factor). While people I know always said “think now, forget about tomorrow” (in my own words of their own sentence to “think about today, later only think about tomorrow lar”), the impromptu actions and so much spending I have nothing to save – I feel I just rather stop having fun first and have fun later.
My future is important. Friendship can wait and if nobody understands this, well they are not true friends at all. I have neglected my friends lately, and recently an outing with one of my friends said I am “falling out”. I rather fall out than seeing my future gone. One person had almost destroyed me and left behind bad memories and scars. The problem was it cannot be erasing but it can be amended. No, it is nothing criminal of that sort and so do not worry. Nevertheless, what “she” had done got away without facing the responsibilities and I have to face the music myself.
For those two years, I learn a costly lesson of what I used to love is almost diminish but a well-worth costly lesson that teaches me there are more important things than always keeping myself temporary and I would rather want to be contented than just being happy.
Since I had come back from Penang, a few things occurred. I will list down those things in the simplest way:-
1). As promise, the gift for Ree Nee will be shown here. I was surprise that the services I hired from Noel provide what I would feel is as same as it was advertise – instead of a couple Teddy Bears, Ree Nee got a couple Puppies. She likes it still… but then what we paid for as advertise is not what I expected. Guess that varies depends on the services when it comes to outsourcing (and I am sure if it is ship within the same state, would have gotten the Teddy Bears and that pretty box).
The actual advertise first gift...
... ended up this cute.
2). Food!!! Well, more food actually. My mum has been buying lots of food. I know Penang (as what Ree Nee said) is said to be foodie land. However, so is here… my mum brought foodie land in her own style. Well, last weekend we had BBQ Steamboat at Sunway in a place called Tasty Pot. Surprisingly many patrons ate there and maybe because of certain variety of food but the crowd that actually ate there is understandable. For only RM 26.90 (not included drinks) per person, it is much of feast all you can eat until there is no tomorrow. What can I say – that night seriously is a feast…, which leads to…
3). Gaining weight. I believe I had gain weight a little. Well, maybe more than little does. Eating a lot is not that good but then eats a little leaves ½ empty in the stomach. I am beginning to feel a little rounder at one side. With much to munch, I doubt anyone can go hungry. One thing I realize though – I stop eating junk food. I think the slow down process seriously makes me stop eating some of my favourites. Therefore, with “goodbye supper”, I think I should adapt some diet to lose and maintain a better weight.
4). Hair treatment – I had spent many moolahs for hair-treatment. A total of RM 378 to be exact. Reason is – my hair is starting to be thinning. It was pretty much starting to be noticeable. Since last week, I have been treating my hair with a proper shampoo. I am worried about my hair thinning… but I think Ree Nee worried more than I did. Alternatively, maybe she doesn’t want a bald boyfriend?!? O_O
5). The plan I wanted which started 2 years ago will begin starting next year. I wonder will I ever achieve this plan at all. Although the original plan was solely on my own, I never thought now the plan will be together with Ree Nee as one. There is a slight change of course, this time things, which were suppose to be, are now different. While I can not talk about it, this is between me and Ree Nee. Sorry dear readers – in time you will know within the next 3 years.6). Savings - well, two years ago I suffered the worst of it all. It was not easy trying to survive month by month. I gone through fatigues, withdrawals and even gone through my own hell. I survive it all and realize earlier this year was the start of a new beginning. Good thing was meeting Ree Nee I realize how important it is money was... and I believe without money, nothing would be much better than saving more money ahead to build a better future.
There are many other reasons... and there's too many to list down. In future, I will post about it and keep update about it too. How was your weekend?
There is much about me when I was young I moved from house to house a lot when I was born until 2001. In my younger years, I was born in Ipoh Perak and spent at least 5 years from there before my parents decided to move to Kuala Lumpur. There we spent 3 years in KL and 5 more years in Selangor in a place called Taman Mayang. Soon enough my dad’s office shifted to Subang and we stayed one year in a place called Wangsa Baiduri before spending another 11 years in USJ. It was then my parent’s shifting days are over and bought a house in Bandar Utama Damansara.
In those days of shifting, I was pretty excited about seeing the new house, with a new room and always wanted to decorate my bed, shelves and other room accessories. In those days, I beginning to have an interest in going into showrooms and check out the design of rooms in any location there is. Nobody knew about this (of course, now you dear readers know) but I kept it to myself. I feel like a nomad who loves to move from place to place.
My room practically became my home. I had some of what I want to be placed there. The nearby locations of shopping malls, food and necessity are a convenience to me. Got my mangas, my games, my movie collection and my bed with four pillows. Life is comfortable…
Yesterday I return from Penang together with Ree Nee. I realize my week spent in Penang has become my second home. The week was good even though I did not get a chance to go anywhere much in Penang (Batu Ferringhi, Botanical Garden, Penang Hill, etc). All I did was meeting Ree Nee’s aunts and uncles (glad to know them as I get to know more about Ree Nee’s family background), celebrate two birthdays (Ree Nee and her dad), had two BBQ outings (Ree Nee’s sister Ree Na whom she and her friends organize and Ree Nee’s first aunt), ate a whole lot of food (I practically feel I gain weight now) and tasted new ones (Tosai or Dosai!!! Gosh… now I want to look for Sri Ananda Bahwan in Bangsar!!!).
Although most of the time whenever I travel out, despite with parents or alone… I never miss KL. I do not know… somehow, home is where I feel is missing. And the missing person that I can not call home is… Ree Nee. Without her, I think there is no home. With her… I feel home is where the heart is.
At the turn of my 18, I ask myself what my purpose in life is and said to myself that I vow to find out the answer of what I must learn as I grow older in years to come to become a better person. It was 1995 when my life changed that started out for the worst ended up a good thing. I never thought when looking back that if that day (one day before my birthday) did not happen, I might have been a different person then. I was face with a decision that never thought in two paths lead to two different lives. One I am not sure what would become of me while the other as it is today. For now as I live, I began to learn about life in the intricacies of things. I learn about the values of friendship, the values of the importance of responsibility and the values of the importance of balance. I am glad that this path has taught me many things. Even though a little late, nothing is.
I had lead quite a life with 5 different group of friends – my schoolmates from primary to secondary, my college mates, my international friends whom I know via online, my friends that were gathered together 6 years ago that I have known them and the friends I know from Low Yat Network (or better known as LYN) forum, a handful of them that are anonymous in their own but still keep in touch. I have another group of friends from the gaming side but rarely do we talk often most of the time. Through them all, I learn about what is the meaning of friendship – one I learn about that is for each of the group I realize the meaning of “true” friends. I realize I have many friends that stay in touch for a while but soon later drifted elsewhere without truly keeping in touch at all. Some I know still do but hardly lift a finger to even make a phone call. Others are just there without a purpose and responsibility and all they talk about is fun. Through each of these groups, I learn something. For each of them, I realize the learning process becomes part of something I never expect what would be a lesson to me. However, not all the groups gave a true meaning of life. Each varies for their own and each taught me many things that I soon learn and adapt to be part of my life. As I grow older, I realize that some friends do not change and they do not adapt the change. They stay in what they are and even as they became older, they do the same thing all over again and not out of the comfort zone that they are familiar with.
Each of them have different sorts of responsibility. Some truly make the effort, while others gave up. Some make it a life goal, while others just follow the crowd. Some gave up ½ way, others just try to push it. Most of them just rather live a day in life, very rare a few I know make the journey to fulfil their dreams.
Yet for each of them, the balance of their goals tilted so uneven that soon falters that 4 out of 5 of my group of friends would rather just live a day in life and their sole purpose is to have fine dining and have a good get together. None talks about the seriousness of about the future. All I hear are complains and all I hear are nonsensical sentences that makes them happier then truly of wanting to feel contented.
The good thing is I learn something from each group – my journey in life has become something I never expect – they each taught me something without realizing how important they are. As they go about their lives, I look at what I have come before and I learn to adapt these discoveries on my own that has made me who I am today.
Here is one I shall share with you, dear readers:-
“Choices we make become our fate. Choices we face became our destiny”
Maybe these teachings can teach us about making a better choice for your future. Who knows, it might help you too. From time to time, I will share what I have learn and I hope you dear readers it will help you too.
I do not know about you but people these days are rather very sensitive. It was just something I see that defines a person's smile that is timeless, no change and it is like a postal image of one person posing for the camera that just don't look interesting. Okay, maybe I am a little critic on this but for each smile I see, everyone is different on their own and most people don't always smile the same all the time. Seriously, when I see a smile it is good to find one person smile for a good reason. And a variety of different smiles are just an expression of showing yourself to the world.
Now just today I saw some pics of a friend of mine and I made a comment that I notice his girlfriend was always smiling the same way - teeth out, big wide smile. For each photo she took, it's teeth out, big wide smile. So naughty as I am, I made a comment that says "Timeless photo - I wonder how many times she smile the same way... let's count... XD" and right there and then, it started as a harmless thing that after 22 comments, an idea I just want to say as a discussion I got criticize because of that statement. Wow... talk about sensitivity.
Whatever happen to days when people just try to understand that I mean no harm but somehow they look at me differently because it is just a sentence without harm? Nobody even read behind those words and take a look back at the photos and wonder "hey, did I always do the same smile again?" I mean, people comment me and I take a look back and realize how true it is and then just like that I wonder why I did the same. Now if it's on them, it is whole different story. For that - I got cornered and then it is the end of the world for me.
So much for true friends...
I was commented in many things - words like "Earl Grey" and such. People seem to think I won't get offended but did anyone ever ask? I took it as a comment and just do not care much of that. But hey, they love to comment me... and when I start to comment them, I get criticize. I got the chops, and I got the back-enders where people would like to say what they want to say about me. Oh wait... I have to care about their feelings... and nobody care about mine?
It is so hard to see what true friends really are these days. In 2008 I shed some light but I kept quiet about the whole thing. I realize there are some things more important than just always being happy and spend as much as you can then just think about the future when one day when it all comes crashing down, what will you face. I used to do short-term happiness and then when at the turn of June 2006 I realize what a mistake I made - I did not see further than I should have. And right now the people I used to know that I hung out with - just do not see that importance and right there I knew it is time to move on.
People just do not understand the reasons why I never join their outings anymore - nobody ever ask what is going on with me. I had suffered two whole years and gave up many of what I used to love before - my mangas, my DVDs and my games. The things I sacrifice in life seriously was a blow to me. Nobody ask me whether am I alright or what... all I get were assumptions which none of my friends that I hung out with bother to ask me. Two years I suffered for what "she" had done to me... not one at all ever ask am I truly alright.
I seriously need to re-think what is the true meaning of "true friends"... because right now, I know the people I used to hung out with, they do not understand why I never "join" their so call outings that involves lots of money, spending away where money can be saved for the better future.
Dear readers... find out who are your true friends... if they are there for you, they will understand your problems and troubles. If they refuse to... always look elsewhere.
In my last post I must have cause a stir between some readers regarding about my relationship with my sister. The feedback (not from the comments posted here but rather they tell me themselves) were sort of bad... but then again, it's not that seriously bad. It is just that me and my sister still do talk... just not like it used to. People sometimes parted ways and move on with their lives... I believe she has with her. But we still talk... so don't worry.
Today I finally done "one gift" for Ree Nee. It will be a surprise when she receives it from me. Sadly, I can't show it here since she is "reading" my blog too. Guess you all have to wait and see. One more gift to go (and I am seriously doing a real crash course on this!) and this is the toughest yet. I am putting what I know and learn before into it... just something I never expect myself doing it as it requires focus and patience. I hope she like both of the gifts I am going to give her... and hope it will be the most memorable 21st ever for her.
It will be Wednesday in about an hour or so... and six more days before I fly off to Penang, on Ree Nee's birthday. I will be there for one week... gosh, one week in Penang. I do not know what am I going to do for one week there. Hmmm... maybe I go kidnap some Penang monkeys or go see more bungalow houses in Penang or wait... I have not being to Times Square Penang. And definitely I want to go to the beach! And wait... Ree Nee's secondary school!!! And some Chicken Fried Skin and some... oh, well... I will let you know by then for sure. (I still haven't finish posting Part III my first Penang trip alone. XD).
The curse is still there, I feel. No doubt, that someone whom I know for 32 years of my life is not the same person anymore that I knew. No longer the identity she used to hold and all there is she has shown is the curse that I hated the most that runs in my blood that I wish was never there – and it still does.
It was any normal conversation there is – one that is trivial and nothing else of spoken words about the weekends and how you have been. Right there and then, misunderstanding occurred and this had happened before. Right there and then, I identify, as what I vowed to get rid off that is so hard, I am trying still to stay sane in a world I do not want to associate myself with. It was in the surname that I never wanted to have. Gladly, I have my mother’s ideals and thoughts, her jovial and enthusiasms of what she simply look forward to – this is just what I love about my mum. She is an unexpected person that can come up and tries to make things work. Even last weekend, she just wants me to come along to watch “Where Got Ghost?” when I do not feel like it since I got those free complimentary tickets for her and my dad. Family is instilling in her blood. And everyone she met loves her. She is one you will never expect to see her just right there and then you may not know her can put a smile to your face if you are friendly. She can whip out simple conversations and anyone would just talk to her. She is friendly in her own way – the Singaporean you will never expect (I am ½ Singaporean by the way).
My sister on the other hand… is different. We used to talk about many things. Conversations that are just a discussion of sorts that does not involve any heated arguments and it is open to anything. She used to see things easily – no distortion, no narrow-minded ideals nor negative vibes about life. She used to enjoy normal trivial things like going to the movies, read fictional books and what she loves about the supernatural. All that I know her, the one that taught and forced me to read Enid Blyton book (that was how I started read books), all the fun simple things we did when we were young – the life we look into that were innocent during the 80s, the dreams we hold on to and such… is gone.
She is not who I remember anymore. She is someone else I have difficulty talking to. One that now in any conversation just narrows down to anything more then wrongful tact and information, twisted in a sense that whatever I say… she will bring you down in her own views. It was just I realize all the words she said was what brings the curse true. My uncles and aunts are like that. And it is sad to see this happening that eventually, I feel the only way for me not bothered about this is how Holly Hunter’s character Claudia Larson would try to understand in “Home for the Holidays” when it comes to siblings and family. I truly understand that each of their own, they are happy with what they have and do what they can do to make it work for themselves even though they do not like each other as brothers and sisters in the movie. They just want to be left alone in their own dysfunctional way and their way is what makes them happy.
I realize now sometimes it is good that some things are best kept to yourself. I love my sister for who she was before… even though now she is leaning towards the “curse”. I wish I won’t and I still hold on to the one identity of who I truly am – before and now and hopefully in future. Sometimes I realize myself I have this “curse” in my blood but I am still holding to what I love most. I almost lost myself along the way… I guess I woke up “again” the second time and the one person that truly keeps me in line… is Ree Nee.
Not being over dramatic but it is true. I feel I am heading somewhere good because of her. She just do not know how special she is. I hope she will stay the same, maybe some little changes along the way with her. The difference of 11 years is I am going to see her change and I wonder what she will be like when years to come. Matters of me too… a crucial three years of change as well. I want to see this true.
Right now, I am doing this special gift for Ree Nee. It is not easy and would be a work of art but I only have 12 days (1 week and 5 days to be exact) to complete it. With so many things at hand and other worries left about, I wonder whether I can pull it off or not. First, there are other things I need to do before I fly off to Penang:-
1).Paying off my bills first.
A working adult has many bills to pay and it is one of the main worries as an adult. I am ½ way from there to be a full fledge necessity bill connoisseur (as most adults do) to make sure everything run smoothly. Yes, I have phone bills, land line bills, internet bills, TV bills, car bills, credit card bills and mother bills (yes, I pay a monthly fee to me mum). Once I pay that off, I feel much better but start to worry about next month’s bill.
2).Reservation for a hotel room.
Yes, I am still yaya-ing and still have not made that reservation for a hotel room yet. You must be thinking “why are you not making reservation months ago?!?”. Well, late as I am I never thought of it would be difficult to make those decisions earlier and now I need to make do – the hotel rooms are getting a little expensive as days passes on (even though it’s a good budget hotel I never thought this would happen; lessons learn). By Monday, I am going to make that date for 6 nights.
3).Getting the first special gift.
Now this is suppose to be a secret (and I blog it here as Ree Nee would read it) and she will get it when it comes. I want to make this the first memorable thing for her when she receives it and I hope she will love it. My first surprise…
4).Finishing the second special gift.
This will be the toughest one ever. I have just started last Wednesday and she knows what it looks like. What she does not know is the content of this gift, which soon will be filled with words, pictures, and other things as well. Works of art for sure, that requires a lot of attention and dedications with many hours spend on to complete this gift. Although the ideas come as I kept doing, I do not know what will the end product might look like and only a rough idea. I do know what I want to do with it, it is just whether it will end up the gift that is intended. I always surprise myself that way.
5). Last minute third special gift?
This might be an impossible one due to all four above that I need to do. This gift, Ree Nee knows about it. It is a Nintendo DS. Lately she enjoys playing my mum’s DS (currently she’s addicted to Cooking Mama series and New Super Mario Bros) and I do know she wants one. With so many things I need to do and pay, I hope for a miracle that someone would just buy my stuff I am currently putting out for sale would make this miracle happen. Dear, when it comes… you will know.
All that is said, I am on a tight schedule. As fate would have it, I wonder whether I can pull it off. Looks like I have to make this miracle happen… one way or another, I am going to deliver the special gifts to her even if its two out of three.
Ree Nee had return to Penang yesterday. She was sick earlier with a cold. Nearly gave me a fright with worry. But lucky towards the end of the day she's alright. When she left, I believe I see a tear in her eyes... 2 weeks from now... and I will see her again, on her birthday.
Lately, I realize many things. There are old memories I want to get out of. Old scars I don't want to bear. And some scars... are difficult to forget. But I confront each scar that I strive on but others don't understand what I am going through. Only Ree Nee knows...
I left Plurk for a reason - I do not see where I am going from there. Yes, networking with friends is good. But then, it is also not evolving. We can crap, nonsense and then get addicted. So was DOTA... so was any gathering that involves toys... so was gatherings involves everyone. But where are we truly going?
Before - friends I know stay stagnant from secondary days. Then it was college days that people stay stagnant. And then soon my current group of friends. Yes, it was an opening experience. Yes, we had a lot of fun. There is no care in the world that we spend and enjoy life and spend and eat good food and spend again. Many outings that comes and goes. After shifting to Plurk (on one person's request), things are the same again. Yes experiencing life and all but then... where is it going? Truly I wonder how this will show where life of one does not think about the future of their own?
I am thinking of one. I am on the edge of my own well being that I realize I had too much fun and too much money were spend. I realize... I can not be like this forever. It is good... but then, I am thinking about my future. A future that involves a secure family, a place where I can enjoy a job (which I am looking for right now) and also for my future children. I do not want to be penniless and jobless. I know friends prefer to stay single, and many are. Fear is the word that describes them for what they are and so they deny the fact and just keep on striving to have more fun. I feel too comfortable in their own zone... is not taking them anywhere. I know... many do not know what I am going through. Money seriously an issue to me... and I seriously need to do something about it.
This is a revelation I realize after making two out of five resolution this year of trying to do what is best for me - I learn to cook and I manage to travel on my own. For others, it needs time. And I realize I keep doing all these spending... I can't keep up the things I want to do.
It has been three days I left Plurk (or more, I can't remember)... and I feel how good it was I left Plurk. I have the time to plan, to do the things I want to do and then also make do with what I have. Sadly, I know I did not told most of my friends about this... but true friends should ask. They should ask "are you alright?" and they should understand what I am going through. Three people said I no longer "a fun person". I know they are joking but they should wonder - what is going on and ask me how come I have not being joining them lately instead of assuming.
My best bud have ask... and I told him and he is glad I am doing something and do what is important. He is changing too. He is experiencing life quite late but he is also taking things at hand to do what is better for himself. I can't wait to see what life for him will turn out for him... and as for me, I can't wait to see where I am going in 3 years of my life.
I hope... it will be a brighter and better future. And I am going to keep on trying to do the best.
"Duncan Lee was born in 1977, a year where fiery snakes slither into this world with not much direction in life at the moment. Currently working for as a sales executive ala director of a company he wish not speak of, he fancies entertainment in 5 forms – movies, console games, comics/mangas (in reading), music (only by pure luck of liking) and writing poetry (raw and somewhat amateur). At times, he knows how to host a good party, making sure everyone is comfortable and nobody is left out. At other times, he knows how to **** people off (by mistake, intentionally or just being blur about it and sometimes did not think first before doing or saying it). He’s the sort that people like and dislike all the time. Misunderstood sometimes, people are confused about his actions and the words he says. But it takes time to really understand him… and sometimes it takes years to really know him. Average in weight and about 5 feet 3 & a ½ inches tall, he is on a journey to find home – one that he finally found in the arms of one particular girl - Ree Nee."
Nice, whole meal
